Hello, I've just taken part in the clinical trial of a new drug to help memory loss; could you tell me, do I come here often?
John French, Wellington, Somerset, UK
Er . . . hello . . . um . . . er. Oh look! Our shoes have similar spectral characteristics.
Jon White, Rampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
I've had my ion you.
Gary Duffala, Rio Rancho, New Mexico
Hello, did you know that I've invented calorie-free chocolate, and I've got some back at my place?
Attracta Ui Bhroin, Dublin Ireland
Would there be any resistance if I asked to take you ohm?
Emma Byrne, London, UK
As a quantum physicist, the moment I observed you I determined that we were heading to your place or mine.
Yonatan Silver, Jerusalem, Israel
Would kissing you increase global warming and damage the Arctic irreversibly, or is it just enough to break the ice?
Andy McCready, Sheffield, Yorkshire, UK
I need a seed for my pseudo-random number generator - could I have your phone number?
Ian Marshall, Palo Alto, California
How can I know a hundred digits of pi, but not the 11 digits of your phone number?
Yuan Yang, Leeds, Yorkshire, UK
Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turnin' me on.
Jessica Swanson, Stratford, PEI, Canada
You're so sweet I am developing insulin resistance.
Alex Carlton, Bradford on Avon, Wiltshire, UK
What's a nice girl like you doing in a superposition like this?
Nigel Eaton, Hitchin, Hertfordshire, UK
Hello, I'm Doctor Frankenstein - and I've got a monster!
Allan Whatling, St Mawgan, Cornwall, UK
Forget what they say about butterflies, I think that you could whip up a storm just by fluttering your eyelashes.
Justin Byrne, Dublin, Ireland
Looking at you, creationists may have a point after all.
Amy Fairbrother, Northcliff, South Africa
Finally, here's a line that, apparently, was actually used, and resulted in forty years - and counting - of wedded bliss:
Did you know that if oysters had no natural enemies, in 10 years the world would be 28 miles deep in oysters? (We married in 1968 and are still going strong.)
Michael Boddy, Binalong, NSW, Australia
You know what, guys? You really should subscribe to New Scientist yourselves. It's a great science magazine, it comes out weekly but is as thick as a monthly, it has a section where you can ask questions about phenomena you've noticed that puzzle you, and the Feedback section always has amusing stuff.
I don't have any financial interest in this magazine or any related enterprise, or even know anyone who does. I just don't want to have to keep feeding you amusing tidbits that they publish...like the name of Nicholas Burns-Cox, consulting urologist in Somerset.